Liver Log

After the Biopsy

As much as I dreaded the biopsy, it was really no big deal. The worst part was having to get an IV that didn't even get used. My wife found a lot of humor at my expense. I'm really not used to being the patient -- I'm pretty healthy outside of this issue. First I had to sit around a waiting room with non-stop cable news. The wait was nearly two hours which set things off on the wrong foot.

Once I went in, they told me to take off my shirt and put on a gown which opens at the back. I was wearing a pair of jean shorts (it's warm where I live) and left them on as well as my shoes.

(An aside, and I know I'll wonder about this again. What is really the point of the gown opening at the back when they're interested in my front?)

Anyway, I'm laying there with my shoes sticking out from under the gown and my wife walks in.

"Honey, don't you want your shoes off?"

"No!"

"You'll be more comfortable...."

"I'm fine!"

She takes off my shoes which makes my feet cold. Now I need a blanket. I was fine before. She figured I just wanted to make a quick getaway. Well, maybe that too.

I finally get wheeled in and make small talk with the crew. I make nervous jokes about fava beans and a nice chianti.

The doc shows up. Tall Jewish guy. Not too young, not too old. That's good in a specialist, especially one who's about to insert sharp instruments into a vital organ. Total medical geek. I work in technology and I recognize the geek type. It's all about the subject at hand, whether technology, or an organ. That's good too. He tells me what the plan is and I sign a release. I close my eyes and punch out. They offer some drugs to make me woozy. I decline. I really don't like woozy and I'm confident. This isn't too different from a root canal. It just tickles more. I hear a sound like a stapler. He does it again and it's done.

So now, I wait for results. I'm pretty sure it isn't going to show anything unusual. I'm not displaying any symptoms to speak of other than a number on a blood test report.

Next week I have a totally unrelated colonoscopy. That I'm dreading.