Shot 26, Week 28

I'm just past the halfway point. I've got a picture of being on a long drive through desolate country; I'm thinking I-40 east of Flagstaff and into New Mexico, or maybe east out of Albuquerque into the Texas Panhandle. The novelty of being on the highway is past, the scenery never seems to change, and you just can't get there fast enough. This is the time to suck it up and do what needs doing, but also to pay attention because it's a time that mistakes creep in. In my case, that means missing meds, not paying attention to changes or new symptoms, or letting relationships dry up.

Speaking of which, my wife is going through a rough patch emotionally. She wonders if she isn't depressed. There's a lot of change and uncertainty in her job and in life. She frankly doesn't deal well with uncertainty at all. She's kind of a control freak and gets uncomfortable when she can't affect an outcome. There's been a lot of other stuff going on as well, and we can't control any of it. Despite all that there's reason to be thankful -- we're all reasonably healthy and whole -- but the past couple of years have been a bumpy ride and I think it's taking its toll on her.

I'm trying to be more supportive. She pointed out a few days ago that I seem to be able to "put on a show" for other people in a social situation, but when it's just us I seem to collapse. This afternoon she really opened up on the possibility of depression. For the past few weeks she's constantly near tears and seems to be getting no joy from life. I think it helped her just to talk. And I think she'll be doing better just for deciding to do something. She'll be calling the doc this week. Something is definitely off-kilter.

We're going to Flagstaff next weekend -- we just need to get out of the desert heat. Temps have hit 118°F/48°C recently which certainly isn't doing anything for her mood.

The road goes on forever.

Week 26, Shot 24

Wow! I haven't been here in a while. It's been a busy three weeks, but nothing much appropriate for this. Just life. Kids back from camp, extra kids (my nieces) here for an extra week, son to the bone doc a couple of times (he's doing fine -- in a cast to just below the elbow). That followed by a short interlude of comparative normalcy, then a Fourth of July weekend run to California. It's a six-hour drive to the LA area where my in-laws live. I drove there and back. I didn't do a lot in between. We had the usual celebrations and fireworks.

Back home, I'm wiped. I took the rest of the week off and I'm finding I need the rest. Yet I went to bed late last night because I didn't feel like I could get to sleep. I awoke this morning about as tired as when I went to bed.

Today I ran some errands and did some maintenance work at a rental property I manage. By the time I got back I was pretty wiped, yet couldn't sleep when I crashed on the couch. Oh well. This is how I feel. Not bad, just tired and kind of grumpy.

This evening we went over to some church friends' house. Bratwurst on the grill, too much ice cream, the usual. Nice evening. My wife says I can put on a good show. But toward the end of the evening I must have been looking woozy because my host asked if I was okay. Just wrung out.

Now I have to go take shot 24. This is the halfway point. Nothing to do but keep going.

I'm stalling. To bed, but first the shot.